well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
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Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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