Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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