Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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