Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think I just shit out all my problems.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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