Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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