You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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