i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize