I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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