i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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