Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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