Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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