some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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