please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize