I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
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I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
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Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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