I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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