Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize