i think my tv is drunk
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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