1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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