peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
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