Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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