I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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