My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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