im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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