my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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