I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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