And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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