i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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