i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
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My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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