my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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