So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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