Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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