Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize