Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
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They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize