So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
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Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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