OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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