The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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