I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize