shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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