Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
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He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
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I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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