just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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