see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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