College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
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When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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