you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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