you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
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Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
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I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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