That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come see our sink grown plant.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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