I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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