I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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