Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
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scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
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You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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