ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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