just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
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i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
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Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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